Jumping back into healthy habits after one week was high-jacked by unhealthy coping mechanisms

I ran, had a good talk, and enjoyed the sunshine today. Yet still my depression is a problem. I holed myself up in my apartment and gained about 3 lbs this past week.

Where I’ve been allowing through on commitments at work, where I was consistently progressing through 6 weeks of the Couch to 5K program, last week was the opposite.

My boyfriend and I started Couch to 5K together when he lived with me for 7 weeks this summer. The last time we jogged together before he returned to his city, I was proud to complete 2.4 miles in 25 minutes non-stop. The next day, we walked over 10 km around the beautiful river. We made meals together, mainly stir-fry, pasta, or wraps with a lot of veggies. He kept the apartment clean while I went to work and welcomed me home with a smile, hug, and interest in what I have to say. I dressed up for him and expressed my love for him more openly than ever.

I was on edge in the days leading up to my boyfriend’s departure, indulging in take-out, candy, and curling up on the couch watching movie after movie, TV show after TV show. The day he left, I felt sad we may never live together this way again. At the same time, my anxiety was (is) building over big changed coming in September. He was amazing telling me how much he loves me and squeezing me tight, yet I couldn’t shake my feelings of disappointment and abandonment as he rushed around packing.

I did my best to make his time here wonderfully unforgettable and pushed back my irrational emotions in order to avoid ruining it that last day. As soon as he went to the airport, I inhaled any sweet food in the kitchen. I’d been minimizing dairy because it makes me stuffy and pimply, but dove right back into a tub of ice cream a day. It was a desperate reach for comfort and escape.

With the weekend, without immediate work stress, I can step back a bit. I see how much my boyfriend sincerely loves me and wants the best for me. I recognize I went from running 1 minute at a time to 25 minutes at a time in 6 weeks. I proved to myself I can burn 14l bs in 7 weeks in a sustainable way without strict eating. I didn’t fall down because my actions weren’t working – I lay down willingly in fear of painful feelings. Therefore, I am more than capable of taking back control over my physical and mental health.

Today, I slept until 9am. I downed a few glasses of water and oatmeal with blueberries while watching Extreme Makeover Weight Loss edition (it was a good one ending in a Jewish vows renewal!). And then, 8 days since my last run, I pushed myself to jog for 25 minutes straight. I only completed 2 miles in that time, but continued walking to finish 3.1 miles in 40 minutes. It was a great sunny day and I was actually happy to be out exercising, despite how exhausted and pained my body screamed.

So in true HR management fashion, I’ll conclude with the following…

Lessons Learned:

• Too much TV, isolation, and compulsive eating makes Sarah a dull girl; also, uncomfortable, irritable and overall less me
• Too many rules, high standards and obsessive thinking make Sarah a ball of nerves unable to enjoy the moment and destined to rebound binge
• I need to relearn how to process emotions and manage them productively so I can lead a fulfilling life

Action Items:

• Jog 2-3 more times in the coming week, each time totalling 3.1 miles, aiming for a continuously faster average pace
• Run in 5K race on August 25th with the goal of completing it in 35 minutes (stretch goal is 30 minutes!)
• Consider registering for another 5K so there is a concrete timeline for maintaining and improving my running